1. Connect with like-minded business owners
2. Be more intentional, not just productive, in how I approach my business

Achieving Goal #1 wasn’t difficult. There were some terrific leaders in attendance, one of whom is an accomplished editor. She has read my blog articles and is interested in working with me on producing my book. I wouldn’t have made that connection had I not attended.

Goal #2 was tougher than I thought. By the end of the retreat I had clarity about several significant changes I’d need to make in order for me to achieve it:

1. Say “no” more often.

I place a high value on freedom. It’s one of the reasons that I left Corporate America. I wanted more choices. Choices about how I spend my time, the type of work I do, and the people with whom I work.

I’d been acting like I had no choice for a while, however, believing that:

–I just had to work on an undesirable project in order to someday maybe perform the work I really wanted to do.

–I had to work with a client that constantly re-scheduled at the last minute, was often late in paying invoices, and insisted I do follow-up work for free.

These scenarios represent a handful of situations that completely drained me, and left me with little time and energy for the work I love and the clients I enjoy.

Recognizing that I do have choices was a key takeaway for me from the retreat. The moment I stop thinking that I do, I’ve given in to a belief system that simply isn’t true.

How I will practice saying “no”:

–Be clear with others upfront about what I’m willing to commit to and put it in writing. This approach will help avoid never-ending scope creep.

–Keep things simple by staying focused on my core business. Which means I will need to stop doing things that I don’t enjoy yet might give me the chance to work on the things I do someday.

2. Get organized. Includes technology, paper, and mental clutter that are taking up valuable space in both my mind and my office.

a) Annual touch-up with a professional organizer – I hired someone last year for a temporary project and it was worth every penny. She was able to create systems for me with ease that I am able to follow (well, for the most part).

b) Hire a part-time or virtual assistant to help me with scheduling travel, generating invoices, replenishing office supplies, responding to booking requests that don’t need my input, and other administrative responsibilities.

3. Partnerships.

Where it makes sense, collaborate with other like-minded professionals by providing referrals or partnering together on projects. Extending trust and developing others is required if I don’t want to or am unable to do all of the work myself.

4. Write more.

Creativity is a muscle that needs practice. Giving myself the freedom to take a writing sabbatical is long overdue. I’m tired of putting off finishing my book until after this one more thing.

5. Limit engagements that require extensive travel (for now)

I’m a new mom, so traveling to work in Bangkok via London just isn’t for me during this season.

How I’m doing so far…

A few days after the retreat I had a chance to put my new set of choices into practice.

I wish I could tell you that I stood firm, that I did exactly what I had committed to do…I didn’t. I responded to a request that I knew in my gut I shouldn’t have and had neither the bandwidth nor the desire to do. I spent a great deal of time thinking through my approach for this client’s problem and submitted a thorough proposal.

The client later informed me that the project would be on hold indefinitely for budgetary reasons, but that they appreciated my insight.

I’m sure they did.

However, another opportunity soon surfaced and I was determined to handle it differently. A client that I really like asked me to facilitate an executive communication session. I didn’t have the available dates they needed, so I reached out to a handful of trusted experts that I’ve worked with many times before collaboratively, yet had never sent in my stead. This time, I selected one of them to deliver on my behalf.

Not only was the work successful, but my colleague has been invited back to deliver work for the client again. This approach is beneficial for everyone and allowed me to be in two places at once.

I’ve turned down a fair number of engagements that don’t fit my business model since the retreat. I still find it hard to say “no” sometimes. But I’m also finding that I’m having more opportunities to say “yes” to the work I really want to do, because I now have the margin to do it.

Question: Are there changes you’ve wanted to make in your professional life that you haven’t? What’s been holding you back?

1. Think of the reputation you want to have as you exit your new role. It’s not too early to think this way. Stephen Covey challenges his audience to “begin with the end in mind.”  Imagine that you’ve successfully performed in your new role and you are interviewing for a position in the future. What will you be known for? What examples will you have to share in your next interview about your successes, failures, and key learnings?

2. Understand the phases you’ll experience in your new job.  

Honeymoon – Once your courtship with your new employer is complete, you’ll enter the honeymoon phase.  During this time period you’ll think everything is wonderful.  The new people, policies, and processes will all be exciting.

Reality – As you begin to settle in to your role, you may find that the job is harder than you thought, the resources are fewer than you’d like, and the days are longer than you had hoped. Remind yourself why you were selected: your education, credentials, experience, and talents.  And why you accepted the offer: the growth opportunity, compensation package, proximity to home, etc. Seek out the advice of a mentor or other trusted advisor to help you successfully navigate this time and keep a healthy perspective.

Self-Actualization – Once you know what and who you have to work with and have mastered your day-to-day tasks, you’ll have the opportunity to really carve out your niche. At this stage, you have probably become a trusted advisor for many within your sphere of influence.

3. Meet with the following individuals.  Remember who interviewed you? It’s time to meet with them again. This time you’ll be reviewing what they communicated to you during the interview process and filling in any gaps.  Clarify what they think the top priorities are for your new role.  Ask them who your key stakeholders are as well as who they think are the most successful performers in similar roles.  Now you have more individuals to meet with.

Be sure to review these priorities and other findings with your boss, who may have something different in mind. Alignment with your boss is critical to the success of your working relationship.  For more strategies on how to manage your relationship with your manager, see my article, 12 Tips for Managing Your Boss.

4. Be quick to listen and slow to speak.  Be prepared to be paid a visit by the office gossip. Don’t know who that is yet?  You soon will.  Choose your responses carefully, otherwise you may find yourself the new topic of their conversation.

Don’t say anything negative about your employer, your boss, your customers on social media outlets.  It doesn’t matter what your privacy settings are, your message will get back to them.

5. Define Roles and Responsibilities.  People will try to get you to say “yes” to all sorts of things that may or may not fall within your job description.  Once you’ve taken ownership, it’s hard, if not impossible to release it without some backlash. Practice saying: “Let me think about the best way to approach that and get back to you.” Now you have time to meet with your boss to discuss and review your priorities.

What made you successful in your previous role may not be what’s required in your new one.  This is especially true for new people managers.  If you are now managing former peers, let them know that your responsibilities have changed and as a result, your working relationship will need to change as well.

6. Clarify your expectations.  Be careful how you approach your work in the beginning. Although all new roles require a ramp-up and learning period, be realistic about your hours. If you start out by coming in early, staying late, and working all weekend, this is the bar you are setting for yourself.  So, when you are asked during your next review to increase your output by 10-15%, what will you do?

7. Be responsive.  This does not mean that you have tuck your Blackberry or iPhone under your pillow at night. You should, however, seek to respond to requests with at least an acknowledgement of receipt within 24 hours.  Some requests will receive higher priority than others – those from your boss, their boss, your employees, and your customers. Remember that part of your response may be to re-direct someone to an alternative resource.

8. Seize opportunities to make your boss, your peers, and your employees look good.  There are plenty of people who take credit for the ideas of others and have what I call a “consumption-only” approach to professional relationships.  Don’t be one of them. Be collaborative and quick to give out sincere praise.  Your colleagues will appreciate your genuine approach and you will build a reputation for being trustworthy.

If you are a new people manager, in addition to the 8 steps above, consider adding The First 90 Days to your reading list.  This practical book provides a detailed, diagnostic approach for those new to people management and will guide you through specific steps on how to assess and maximize the performance of your new team.

1. Your boss is not out to get you. Your manager is not thinking about how to make your life miserable during their daily commute — their job is stressful enough. Yes, there are bad managers out there. I’ve worked for some of them and chances are, so have you. Your manager probably has, too, which means that they may not have had exemplary leaders to learn from. Nearly all of the managers I personally meet (this number is approaching 10,000) are sincerely seeking to be good leaders, do the right things for their organizations, and take care of the people they manage.

Be thankful times have changed. My grandfather once told me that in order to keep his job at Ford Motor Company, he was required to clean his boss’s house every Saturday for free!

2. Alignment is crucial. Know what’s expected of you. Your annual performance review is not the time to discover that you’ve been out of alignment with your boss’s expectations. Your manager should have been giving you feedback throughout the year in order to avoid surprises in your review. However, you do have a part to play. Discover the top 3 things your manager expects of you. Even if you think you know, you should ask and check in regularly to validate your assumptions.

Not convinced? The book First, Break all the Rules, includes results of a survey conducted by Gallup, which sought to discover the top things that keep employees feeling “connected and effective” at work. Of 80,000 employees surveyed, the top contributor was “I know what’s expected of me at work.”

Your manager should be engaging in regular 1:1 sessions with you. If that’s not happening, start scheduling them yourself. Come prepared to these meetings with what you want to discuss and bring something to write with. Use this time to confirm your manager’s expectations of your performance. If your boss doesn’t show up, send an email outlining what you think your priorities are and what you’ve done to meet them. Keep it simple and let them correct you. If there is a disconnect, you need to know what it is. Listen more than you talk. You are seeking to take corrective action, not defend yourself.

3. Priorities change. So you finally reach alignment with your boss regarding your priorities and guess what? There’s a re-organization in your department. Or a merger. Or a new business imperative. Or even a new boss! You have to review your priorities regularly. You can say things like: “Here’s where I’m spending my time and why. Are these the right priorities?” Or “When we last met, you encouraged me to focus on these things. Here’s what I’ve done so far. Is that still the direction you want me to take?”

4. Understand how your manager is measured. Ask your manager what their top priorities are. Knowing this information will help you to see how your individual contributions have an impact on their goals, driving alignment (#1 above).

5. Open-door policies are misleading. Many of the organizations I work with have “open-door policies,” meaning that anyone at any level of the organization can approach someone at any other level at any time. That sounds great in theory, but in reality, nobody likes to be blind-sided. It’s simply respectful to let your boss know if you are having a conversation with one of their peers or their boss. No, you don’t need their permission in an organization with an open-door policy, but you should inform them.

All managers want to be “in the know”. Make sure there’s nothing your manager should know that they don’t.

6. Know your manager’s communication style and preferences. Do they want details, or just high-level information? Do they prefer email, or talking on the phone during their commute? What is the best time of day to ask them for something?

In today’s sound-byte age, people want to hear the punchline first to determine if they should keep listening. Learn to net out your thoughts. Don’t use 67 PowerPoint slides to get your message across when 3 will do.

7. Make your boss look good — it’s in your best interest. When senior leaders look around an organization to fill key roles, one of the first questions they ask is “Who can I trust?” When you set out to make your boss look good, not only do you build trust with your manager, you also develop a reputation for yourself of being trustworthy. If you can’t stomach the thought of making your boss look good, simply avoid making them look bad.

8. Use aspirational language. There are going to be obstacles and challenges – which is why it’s called work! Don’t be a victim. Listen to your speech for words like “I can’t because” or “they won’t let me” or “someone was supposed to”. Learn to talk about possibilities and what can be done, not all the things that can’t.

9. You own your career development. No one will ever care about your career as much as you do. If you don’t take that seriously, your manager will question whether or not you would take the performance and development of others seriously if and when you want to advance. Tell your manager how they can help you and tap into their network, knowledge, and experience.

10. Let go of your need to be right. If you desire to influence others, you may struggle with this one, particularly in group settings or “reply-to-all” emails. Know when to practice restraint, and approach your boss privately when you have a disagreement.

11. You don’t have to like your boss. If you respect the position, however, things will go better for you. Remember that even if you don’t think that your boss deserves the leadership role that they have, the fact is that they do have it. When it’s your turn to be the boss, you can do things your way.

12. Will your manager fight for you? When it comes to pay-planning, promotional opportunities, and developmental roles, is your boss in your corner? Your direct manager has the most influence over your current and future success in an organization. You need to know if they are your advocate. If not, discover why not, so that you can correct it. If it’s a deficiency on their part and has nothing to do with you, it may be time to find a new manager.

Final Thoughts

Complaints of personality conflicts between manager and employee can often be ascribed to one or more of the 12 items addressed here. Consider giving a copy of this article to your boss and asking them what they think about it. You may discover through that conversation that their expectations of you are different than what you thought. If you already are a people manager, consider sharing this article with your team, emphasizing the items that are most important to you.

BEFORE THE INTERVIEW

1. Find out as much as you can about the role. If you already work for the company or know someone who does, this task is much easier. If not, do you know anyone in a similar role at another organization? Knowing the key success criteria will allow you to map examples of your past experience to those items during the interview.     

2. Research the company. Who are their competitors and what makes them better? What is the press saying about them? How has their stock performed? In what locations does the company have a presence? Who’s on their executive team?

3. Discover who’s on the interview team. Search LinkedIn to review their individual profiles, which will help you visualize being a part of the team and increase your comfort level during the interview. Don’t send out invitations to connect just yet, unless you personally know someone. You don’t want to be viewed as a cyber stalker before you even walk through the door.

4. Review your resume thoroughly. In response to a question I once asked a candidate during an interview, he replied: “Oh, wow, is that on there? Can I see it?”  

5. Plan your travel. You don’t want to miss your turn on a one-way street during morning rush (it’s happened to me). If possible, travel during the same time that you plan to head to the interview. Count on delays due to traffic, public transportation, weather, or construction, especially in another city.

6. Practice. Your goal is to become reasonably confident answering questions in a conversational tone. Enlist the help of a friend or family member and practice giving them your responses. For sample questions, see Item #12.

7. Decide what to wear. Friday casual dress policies are intended for employees, not interview candidates. Your attire should be clean and pressed, with no wrinkles or loose threads. If you opt for a suit (which I recommend for professional roles), choose darker colors such as black, navy, charcoal grey, and chocolate. They are the easiest to coordinate with and the most flattering. If the role is creative in nature, consider adding a splash of color or texture with a well-chosen women’s top or men’s tie that reflects your personality. Avoid bold stripes, busy prints, and low-cut tops – they are all distracting and may leave the interviewer questioning your judgment.

Guidelines for Women:

• Clothes – shop for suits at Nordstrom or Ann Taylor. Both carry separates, giving you several options. Nordstrom offers fabulous customer service, personal shopping, a wide range of sizes, and in-store alterations. They sell suits seasonally, so call ahead. Ann Taylor offers suits year-round.

• Shoes – wear closed-toe shoes and sheer hosiery. Footwear should match skirt or pant color, except when wearing navy or grey, in which case you can opt for black shoes.

• Accessories – choose tasteful pieces that are simple in design. Avoid jewelry that makes noise or moves a lot – it’s distracting. Your hair should be out of your face.

Guidelines for Men:

• Clothes – shop at Nordstrom for great suits, shirts, and ties, top-notch staff, and fast, in-store alterations.

• Shoes – stick to black or brown shoes, a coordinating belt, and socks that match pant color.

• Accessories – limit jewelry to no more than the following items: wedding ring, class ring, wristwatch.

If budget is a concern, visit Steinmart or Nordstrom Rack. The items these stores carry will be last season’s and you may have to dig for your size, but they are quality name-brands that will cost you less than shopping at Nordstrom or Ann Taylor.

DAY OF THE INTERVIEW

8. Skip your morning coffee. Your adrenaline will kick in and you don’t need the jittery effect produced when combined with caffeine. Try replacing your coffee with caffeine-free hot tea, which will lubricate your throat. Vocalists stay hydrated before a performance by drinking room temperature water (not cold), which prevents a dry, pasty mouth.

9. Ditch the fragrance. Do wear deodorant, but avoid cologne, perfume, or body spray. What smells delicious to you may be repulsive to someone else and is magnified in the confined space of an interview room.

10. Bring these items with you. I once had a candidate during an interview say to me: “Oh man, I’m so thirsty. Can I have a sip of your water?” You may want to bring a small bottle of water that you can stash in your purse, computer bag, or briefcase. You should also have several copies of your resume, business cards if you have them, a nice pen, and a professional notepad or journal to take notes with.

11. Arrive early. Some interviewers are annoyed by candidates who arrive too early, so wait to let the receptionist know you are there until approximately 10-15 minutes before the scheduled interview. Use this time to steady your nerves by reviewing your notes, reading a magazine or book, or listening to music.

DURING THE INTERVIEW

12. Questions you should be prepared to answer:

• Why are you interested in this role?

• Why do you want to leave your current employer?

Your answer should be more about what you’re aspiring to do rather than what you’re desiring to leave behind. Discuss not only what is appealing to you about the new position, but also how you envision making an immediate contribution to the organization.

• What did you do to prepare for this interview?

• What do you know about the position/the company/the technology, etc?

Here’s where your research and preparation will pay off. If you are asked about a term that you are not familiar with or has varying meanings, it is acceptable to say: “Tell me what that means in your organization.”

• Give me an example of a time that you had to….

This approach is called behavior-based interviewing. You will also see it referred to as experiential or competency-based interviewing. With each question, the interviewer is interested in hearing an example of a time that you performed a specific task or behavior, what the result was, and what your role was in achieving it. If you don’t have an example for a specific question, say so.

• What are your salary expectations?

Compensation questions are awkward. You don’t want to value yourself too low or price yourself out of consideration. Consider responding by asking what the salary range is for the position and let them know if it is in line with what you were expecting. You could also say something like: “Let’s both decide if this is a good fit before we discuss numbers, okay?”.

13. Questions you should ask:

• What are the immediate top priorities for the person selected for this role? 

• How would you describe the culture of the organization?  

• What has been the most rewarding for you personally in being a part of this team?

• How do you see the work I’d be doing connected to your current priorities?

• What is your timeline for filling this role? 

• If the position is newly created, ask what the demand is that’s driving the need for it.

• Ask about additional plans for expansion if they’ve experienced rapid growth, which may give you a sense of possible future roles you can play.

• Don’t ask: Is there anything that would prevent me from being hired based on our interview?

This type of question puts the interviewer on the spot. Depending on their personality type, they may be tempted to come up with a reason right then!

• Do let them know you want the job by expressing your interest in contributing to the success of their team.

• Don’t ask about benefits or time off, which makes it seem like you are interested in “just a paycheck.”

Remember that the members of the interviewing team already work there – you want  to. If you have a “what’s in it for me” attitude, you will sour your chances of being chosen for the role. Both you and the interviewing team should be focused on whether or not you think there is a good fit. Once they express interest in bringing you on the team, then it’s time to clearly understand what benefits you’d receive. This conversation is best had with the hiring manager and/or HR recruiter.

AFTER THE INTERVIEW

14. Follow-up. Send a thank-you email at minimum, reinforcing how you see yourself fitting in and making an immediate contribution. If there was a specific top priority that came up during the interview, reference that and something you can do about it.

Time seems to pass slowly when you are waiting for a potential job offer. It is reasonable to check in after a week if you haven’t heard anything. The recruiters may be over-worked, or other priorities may have surfaced for them. Do not hound the recruiter or the members of the interview team. Simply let them know that you are still very interested in the role and that you are looking forward to next steps while you keep pursuing other opportunities.

1) Self-Awareness: Will the new role play to my strengths? Many people take a new role because the title or the money seems like an advancement. However, if you’re not in a position in which you have the ability to exercise your strengths most of the time, you’re likely to face burn-out, or worse, hurt your reputation by derailing your performance.  You may possess strengths in a particular area that you haven’t had a chance to exercise and are unaware that you have.  One of my favorite resources to use with clients who’ve never taken a strengths inventory is the book, Now, Discover Your Strengths.  No time to read it?  Take the abbreviated route by going to Strengthsfinder, and completing the on-line assessment for a nominal fee.  Am I over-using any of my strengths?  It’s not uncommon for leaders to “do what they’ve always done” when advancing or changing roles, which may not be the best approach.  In his book, What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, Marshall Goldsmith uses a witty style to address 20 interpersonal behaviors that potentially limit a leader’s future success.  Not sure what perceptions exist of you in your organization?  Consider taking a 360 assessment, which polls colleagues for their view of your contribution and produces a confidential report for your review. Tag a trusted advisor or hire a coach to go through the results with you and help you map out a game plan for addressing blind spots.   Is there a gap that I need to fill?  If you are in a front-line manager position today and your end-goal is to land an executive role, know what skills and experience you need to gain in order to get you there.  While it’s not necessary to master areas of deficiency, it is important to gain experience managing those areas successfully.  Start examining job postings now for positions at that level so that you can seek out opportunities that give you exposure to areas you may need one day.  The majority of VP-level jobs, for example, require past success managing a P&L.  If that component is missing from your resume, be sure that budget responsibility is part of the job description of your next position.  You may even be able to request to add that piece to your current role.

2) Know the landscape: Are there potential obstacles that I need to face? There are things that happen at work that can have a significant impact on the journey toward success: a lack of resources, aggressive competitors, office politics, economic recession.  Though not always pleasant, it is important to look down the road and anticipate what could go wrong, so that you have a chance to develop a plan to make sure it goes right.

3) Willingness to take risks: Really ask yourself if you’re ready to step outside of your comfort zone, knowing that it may be…well, uncomfortable!  What is my tolerance level if things don’t go as planned?  Don’t mistake enthusiasm for preparation.  Be sure you’ve thought through a few options and have a parachute in the event that you need to make a quick course correction.  Before launching my consulting practice in 2006, I saved up enough cash to cover a year’s worth of expenses – just in case.  Thankfully, I never had to dip into those reserves, but I had a lot more confidence knowing the money was there, and it gave me the opportunity to try new things and to be more selective in earning client relationships.

4) Having the right support network: Do I have people in my life who will lend more than a listening ear? Having a network of family, friends, and like-minded professionals who will provide encouragement, speak truth, share best practices, and collaborate with you is a critical component of a successful career.  No one can go it alone. With the explosive growth in social media, the concept of networking is easier than ever. The number of Americans who belong to at least one social network has doubled in the last two years. Consider joining group discussions, forums, and re-connecting with people through on-line communities. Be sure to be a contributor so that the people you count on for guidance can also depend on you.

5) Finally, is the timing right? Admittedly, this one can be a deal-breaker. No matter how high you climb the corporate ladder, you still have only 24 hours to make each day count.  When assessing a potential career move, consider your priorities and the priorities of those who share life with you.  How will the demands of learning a new role have an impact on you? Often, determining if the timing is right has a lot to do with being able to have the first four keys in place.

Every spring a small bird family builds their nest in one of the flower baskets hanging on our back patio.  One year, I got to witness the baby birds fly for the first time.  Each bird had a different response to being pushed out of the nest by its mother, but my personal favorite was the one that didn’t even try to fly.  It landed as quickly as it could and then walked across the grass to join its mother and siblings that were waiting in a large bush at the opposite end of the yard.  This sweet little creature lacked self-awareness. He had hidden talents – flying – that he hadn’t yet discovered.  He didn’t know the landscape.  There were dangers that he was unaware of – like the neighbor’s cat who was often on the prowl in our yard.  He lacked the willingness to take risks.  He would’ve reached his potential sooner if only he had tried to use his wings. One clear advantage he did have, however, was the right support network.  His devoted mother continued coaxing him until he eventually joined his family in safety.

The next time you are ready to make a career move, consider these keys in addition to evaluating the timing of the opportunity.  Landing that next milestone role when it’s a good fit for you and the timing is right can be incredibly rewarding.  Oh, and watching baby birds fly for the first time?  Priceless.